I'm a Clinical Hypnotherapist, Certified Wellness Coach and obsessed with all things health. After overcoming my own health issues caused by sugar and processed foods, I'm here to help you do the same.
I'm Jayne Corner
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Are you a perfectionist? Do you need everything to be perfect? Have you ever experienced that creeping sense of panic or anxiety if something doesn’t quite live up to the standards of being ‘perfect’? It’s not a great feeling to be in this headspace, and you may have already asked yourself how to stop being a perfectionist.
Ironically being a perfectionist has some great qualities. For example, you’ll likely be passionate about what you’re doing, have a great eye for detail and you pay attention to the little things. You’ll likely also be a hard worker, but whilst those around you may feel you don’t want to let them down, being a perfectionist has more to do with yourself than other people.
So before we talk about how to stop being a perfectionist, let’s just cover off the number one challenge of perfectionism.
Have you ever noticed that when you complete something, you always want it a little bit better?
Perhaps it just needs a little more finessing, a little something to make it, well, you know, perfect?
One of the major challenges of being a perfectionist is that whatever you do just never feels good enough. Why? Because on the inside you’re measuring yourself against impossible standards (we’ll get to whose standards these are a little later).
When you strive for perfection, you actually keep unconsciously shifting the finish line… and so you never arrive… you never quite get ‘there’. The satisfaction other people feel when they complete a task seems to somehow elude you.
And being a recovering perfectionist, I know that can feel pretty sh!tty.
It’s easy when you fall into the perfectionist trap to believe that the ‘right’ moment will come. That ‘perfect’ moment to start that project or finish that activity. And so, you wait. And you wait. And perhaps you wait some more. From the outside, we call this procrastinating. But in your mind, you know this ‘perfect’ moment will come and you’ll be ready to deliver and create your best work.
But does that moment ever come?
Sometimes we actually just need to start. Start from wherever we are and with what we have.
As a recovering perfectionist, this was one of the hardest parts to wrap my mind around. I wanted everything clearly laid out in-front of me. I wanted to know I was ‘ready’ to do whatever it was I was going to do. But I learnt that sitting and waiting doesn’t achieve anything. So instead I taught myself to just start and trust in the process.
There is a difference in striving for excellence and demanding perfection.
Where does perfectionism come from? In many ways, the need to be perfect was created when we were children. Many of us learnt that in order to get love and affection from our parents, we needed to reach a certain standard. Love was perhaps in some ways conditional, being praised for when we did an excellent job, and being sent to our rooms if things didn’t quite work out.
Unfortunately, our minds in early childhood just take in life experiences without questioning them. We simply learn that this is the way of the world and grow up running those same subconscious programs in our adult life.
Ask yourself this question. What are you afraid of? If you give up the need for things to be ‘perfect’, what are you afraid might happen? When you get your answer, I want you to then ask yourself if this is really true, or if it’s an illusion based on patterns from your past?
Perfectionism if left unchecked can become toxic. You’ll end up feeling like you never really succeed, always pushing and striving and working towards impossible goals. Not to mention tying in your self-worth to the outcome. If this is you, please stop.
Start to acknowledge those feelings and start to question what’s really underneath your fear of not being ‘perfect’.
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